women who can’t dress for their age
grow up. it’s time. wearing tight, short skirts and low-cut v-necks should be reserved for girls in their 20s or younger. i absolutely have no desire to anything sagging or hanging where it shouldn’t be. crazy makeup, big jewelry and sky-high heels are meant to be a memory, not a saturday morning outfit, ladies. you don’t look … Read more
dusty fans
foul. just about the only way to describe such a gross thing. the more i look at a dusty fan, the more i realize that all its really doing is recirrculating gross air. its so easy to clean, just get up and do it. one simple, wet paper towel will do the trick. its making … Read more
warm beer
beer is generally warm for one of two reasons: (1) you’re taking to long to drink it (2) you weren’t bright enough to refrigerate it in the first place. your fault. let’s start with (1). no, you don’t look any cooler holding a beer while talking to me (and not drinking it) than you would holding a … Read more
passive people
people who cannot make up their mind when it comes to very simple things such as what color straw should go in their drink or whether or not they should park in the end space in the parking lot or not truly piss me off. make up your fucking mind. its not that hard, its … Read more
philadelphia sports fans
there’s nothing more pathetic than philadelphia sports, except their fans. those poor uneducated souls can’t even seem to spell “phan” correctly. has no one told them that winning two world series rings in the history of a franchise is UNIMPRESSIVE? or that the word “eagles” is pronouned “E-Gulls” not “i-gg-ul”? or that a green fuzzy … Read more
voicemails
maybe it’s my constant need to be on the go, my hatred for actually talking on the phone or just the concept in general; but i hate voicemails. i hate that i have to actually take an extra thirty seconds to listen to the “you have more than 10 new messages” section. why can’t you … Read more
lip liner
“ayyyy papii!” is the only phrase that should be coming out of your mouth if its engulfed in the monstrosity known as lip liner. unless it matches your lipstick shade or is being used to draw on kitty-cat wiskers, it’s not acceptable. not in dark red, not in black, white or god forbid (and i … Read more
split ends
split ends suck. there’s no way around it. whether you have the urge to chop the girl-in-front-of-you-in-line-at-starbuck’s hair off or whether you’re obsessing over your own, not a single good thing can come from having split ends. they look bad, feel bad and create terrible habits. they’re gross. i guess split ends aren’t exactly something … Read more
jeans with no butt pockets
heyy there classy people of america. i’m not sure who allowed some mamii near any production equipment, but as a general public service announcement: jeans without butt pockets are never okay. they don’t make your ass look better, they just make you look like you belong at a jersey shore casting call (disclaimer: i’m not … Read more
low battery
ding ding! low battery! never once in my life have i been excited to see those very words flash across my screen. be it my phone, computer, gps or ipod, i’ve never once reacted with a single positive thought. i can’t think of a good situation where you’re using something and all of the sudden … Read more
